When I was younger (before children, or “b.c.” as my uncle calls it) I loved journaling. I would sit down with a pen and the blank pages of a notebook and pour out my thoughts as if talking to a rapt listener. Journaling like this was such an experience of catharsis, of getting my deepest thoughts and musings off my chest, whatever they might be. Occasionally in life I have crossed paths with another with the end result being formation of a mutual “soul-buddy” kind of bond. These are the few friends who somehow resonate with my nonsensical catharctic thoughts, and who in turn have enriched my life by pouring out their own in return. These types of friendships were most often discovered over coffee cups in the dorm, when we were supposed to be studying for a test we’d take the next morning, or perhaps in a late night phone call with a fellow mom who understood how it felt to be sleep-deprived and listened as I rocked the sweet infant in my arms. Yet in the mundanity of every day life, these conversations have recently become more seldom, their existence smothered by the demands of our necessarily full schedules. No fault of anyone’s, life currently is filled with soccer games, instrument lessons, packing lunches, making sure we have enough peanut butter in the pantry, finding a few minutes here and there for a playdate if we’re lucky once every other month, keeping the head above water for work obligations, tossing toys into fabric bins (initially purchased to make the bungalow look a bit hgtv-ish (uh, that didn’t work for this mum at least), and fueling up with enough sleep to do it again the next day. In the midst of this, thoughts akin to the musings of my college-age-brain sometimes surface to the top and cross my mind in a form that seems louder than usual. It’s like the experience on the screen just now . See, my son is watching Spiderman Into the Spiderverse c as I type this, and Miles just mused “why are my thoughts so LOUD?”) … These loud thoughts are those which sparked my idea for a blog, thoughts which might be worthy of capturing in writing or print. Journaling with a pen has become so foreign to me, but typing feels so familiar. (Perhaps this is because typing feels a bit just like one of the tasks required of me each day that help me earn a paycheck.) In an attempt to fuse the old love and the current mundane, I have created this blog. When my thoughts get loud, I just might sit down in front of this screen (maybe I’ll allow myself this luxury, feeling as if I am fulfilling the productivity expectation so often hung over my “good employee psyche” ), and just might pour out words that come from a place close to my soul. Maybe someone like you will read them . Maybe you’ll find some meaning of your own to hide away in your heart for your own experience of life. That is my hope.
a place to write when my thoughts get too loud